50 ways to annoy Mordred
by yaoifangirlHolly
Summary: This will be my last for the main characters, but if anyone has any suggestions for others I'll do them. Depends on who the guest characters for the rest of season 2 will be


**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or any of the characters.**

**50 Ways to annoy Mordred**

Ask him if he's started having wet dreams yet.

Tell him he looks like a garden gnome when he wears that green cloak.

Ask him if he uses his ability to communicate telepathically to send dirty thoughts to Merlin.

Ask him if he fancies Morgana.

Tell him if he lays one Druid digit on Arthur's sexy body you'll get the dragon to eat him.

Ask him if he knows who he is in relation to Morgana and Arthur in the original legend.

Ask him if you can call him Bruno.

Ask him if he sleeps in trees, being a Druid.

Ask him if he started calling Morgana "mummy" after she began mothering him.

Tell him if Merlin has to choose between him and his lover for good, he'll choose his lover every time. When he asks who you mean, say "Arthur of course!"

The next time he gets injured, offer to get Merlin to patch it up for him.

Tell him the dragon said you can't talk to him, and the dragon is never wrong about these things, even though Merlin never listens to it.

Call him a tree hugger.

Ask him if Morgana tried to breast feed him.

Tell him that screaming to knock all the guards over wasn't really very impressive in terms of magic.

Tell him you think it's awfully lazy of him to communicate with his mind, can't he be bothered to speak or something?

Tell him Morgana is way too old for him.

Tell him that Arthur has a restraining order on him.

Tell him that Uther might have agreed to let the Druids back into Camelot, but right now he's too busy admiring his gold and treasures to deal with such things.

When you're with him and several of his Druid people are within earshot, suddenly say loudly to him "For the last time, Mordred, I'm not going to play Hide and Seek with you!"

Tell him Morgana looks better in turquoise cloaks than he does.

Tell Morgana that Mordred has been stealing her underwear.

Tell him if he wants to grow up straight he should really stop spending so much time with Merlin and Morgana.

Ask him if he has a badge that shows he is a member of the Druids. Ask if it's an exclusive group, if you can join etc. etc.

Ask him if you can call him "M" for short.

For added effect, if he rejects your offer in 25) pout, and say, "But you gave Merlin a nickname!"

Say to him – "You should really get to know a guy named Lancelot. I mean, if you're really going to kill Arthur, the two of you would get along famously."

Tell him that Merlin and Arthur are thinking of adopting him.

Tell him that Morgana and Uther are thinking of adopting him.

Ask him if he knows about the birds and the bees. Employ the dragon to sit and tell him "the facts of life".

Tell him he's too serious for such a little kid.

Ask him if he's toilet trained.

Play a tape while he's sleeping that goes "Kill Uther, not Arthur" over and over.

Talk about how important Morgana is to the king and to Camelot whenever he's within earshot.

Tell him it's only because Merlin's too nice for his good that he saved him.

Tell Morgana that Mordred has been watching her change.

Tell him he's won an award for being the "creepiest Druid kid".

Tell him he's a jerk for abandoning Morgana when she didn't abandon him even though it meant her getting caught. Shake your head in shame.

Have him walk in on Merlin and Morgana kissing.

Ask him if he's committed any regicide recently.

Put up posters of Mordred around the Camelot, which has a picture of him, and another reads "Wanted – for being the one who kills Arthur in the future."

Ask him if the other Druids sleep with one eye open when they're around him, because he's so freaky.

Ask him if he started viewing Arthur as a father figure when he broke him out of the jail cell.

Ask him if he left an unpleasant surprise for King Uther to find in the jail cell.

Mimic his "magic scream" thing that knocked all the guards over.

Tell him you'll smack his bottom if he doesn't stop staring at Morgana's chest.

For added effect, do 46) in front of Merlin.

Whenever he's alone, bend down so you're face to face with him and say "Are you lost, little boy? Have you lost your mummy?"

Ride around on the dragon but refuse to let him ride on it.

Ask him if "Emyrs" is his sexy nickname for Merlin. Then before he can reply, say angrily – "Well don't bother! Because he belongs to Arthur!"


End file.
